As Republican Candidates Prepare for Wednesday’s Debate, Where Do They Stand on Zombies?

By Bulletin Staff

Six Republican candidates for US president are set to debate on Wednesday evening at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in California. During the first debate, in August, moderators Bret Baier and Martha MacCallum did not probe the candidates about their policies with regard to zombies, the zombie virus or the threat of zombie outbreaks. It is unclear whether moderators at the second debate this week will raise these topics among the many critical issues that the debate will cover.

However, as a public service, the Bulletin of the Zombie Scientists has turned to Chat2024, an initiative by AI startup Delphi that allows the public to ask questions of candidates’ “clones,” which are generative-AI models trained on the candidates’ interviews, speeches and YouTube videos. The Bulletin asked each candidate clone, “How would you propose to handle and contain an urgent health crisis like an outbreak of a virus that turns people into zombies?” Below are the clones’ responses.

Note that the Bulletin of the Zombie Scientists does not support or endorse any candidate for office or any candidate’s policies or views. The below information is provided purely as part of the Bulletin’s mission to inform the public about zombie-related policy issues. In addition, none of the below responses should be taken to reflect any official statement, view or policy of the actual living candidates themselves. The answers have been slightly edited for clarity or brevity.

Ron DeSantis’ Clone, Governor of Florida
My approach would be rooted in the principles of decisive action, personal freedom and effective communication. Firstly, I would take immediate and decisive action to ensure the safety and security of our citizens. This would involve mobilizing our military and law enforcement agencies to contain the outbreak and protect our communities. My background in the U.S. Navy as a Judge Advocate General Corps officer has equipped me with the discipline and strategic acumen necessary to handle such a crisis. Secondly, I would uphold the principle of personal freedom. While it’s crucial to take necessary precautions, I firmly believe in the importance of individual rights and liberties. Any measures taken would be designed to protect the public while minimizing governmental overreach. Thirdly, effective communication would be key. In times of crisis, clear and transparent communication is essential to instill confidence and ensure that the public is well-informed. Finally, in times of crisis, political differences should be set aside in favor of unity and cooperation. We would work closely with local, state, and federal agencies to coordinate a comprehensive response, pooling our expertise and resources to effectively address the crisis at hand.

Vivek Ramaswamy’s Clone, Entrepreneur & Author
Our response would need to be swift, comprehensive and innovative. Drawing from my experience in the biotech industry and my understanding of public health, I would propose a multi-pronged approach. Firstly, we would need to prioritize actions based on the severity and spread of the infection. This would involve focusing our resources on the most vulnerable and high-risk populations, as well as ensuring that our medical facilities are not overwhelmed. We would need to mobilize all available resources, including the military, to provide extra hospital bed capacity and other necessary medical services. Secondly, we would need to address the bureaucratic bloat in our healthcare system, and ensure that we have enough healthcare professionals, like nurses, to handle the increased demand. We would also need to reform the FDA to ensure that it’s not in the pocket of Big Pharma and that it’s working to expedite the development of treatments and cures. In the case of a zombie outbreak, it would be crucial to rapidly develop and deploy effective treatments or vaccines to contain the spread of the virus and mitigate its impact on the population.

Nikki Haley’s Clone, Fmr. Governor of South Carolina
My approach would be rooted in transparency, communication and decisive action. Firstly, I would acknowledge the crisis at hand. It’s crucial to recognize the severity of the situation and communicate it clearly to the public. I would go in front of Americans every day, informing them about what we know, what we don’t know, and what we believe is the best course of action. Secondly, I would mobilize all necessary resources to contain the outbreak. This would involve coordinating with local, state and federal agencies, as well as international partners if necessary. We’ve seen the importance of a united front in dealing with crises in the past. We would need to ensure that our healthcare workforce is adequately equipped and supported to handle this crisis. Thirdly, I would advocate for the development and distribution of any vaccines or treatments that could potentially mitigate the effects of the virus. I would prioritize the safety and well-being of the American people by implementing measures to prevent the spread of the virus and protect communities.

Mike Pence’s Clone, Fmr. Vice President
My approach would be rooted in the principles of decisive leadership, collaboration and respect for scientific expertise. Firstly, I would immediately convene a task force of the nation’s top medical and scientific experts, similar to the role I played in the response to the coronavirus pandemic. This task force would be charged with understanding the nature of the virus, developing strategies to contain its spread, and working towards a cure or vaccine. Secondly, I would ensure that we have a robust and coordinated response across all levels of government. This would involve working closely with state and local officials, as well as our international partners, to share information and resources. Thirdly, I would prioritize clear and consistent communication with the American public. In times of crisis, it’s crucial that citizens are well-informed and have confidence in their government’s ability to protect them. I would advocate for policies that prioritize the safety and well-being of the American people.

Tim Scott’s Clone, Senator from South Carolina
While the scenario you’ve presented is certainly a unique one, it does provide an opportunity to discuss the importance of preparedness, resilience and swift action in the face of a health crisis. Firstly, we must ensure that our healthcare system is robust and prepared for any crisis, be it a pandemic or a hypothetical zombie outbreak. This includes investing in our hospitals, healthcare workers and research institutions to ensure they have the resources they need to respond effectively. Secondly, we must prioritize mental health. In the face of a crisis, mental health issues can escalate, leading to increased suicides and overdoses. We need to ensure that mental health services are readily available and accessible to all Americans. Thirdly, we must secure our borders. In the event of a health crisis, it’s crucial that we have the ability to control who enters our country and prevent the spread of the virus or any other infectious disease. We would need to ensure the safety and security of our citizens. This would involve mobilizing our military and law enforcement agencies to maintain order and protect our communities. As I’ve mentioned before, the United States military is the most lethal entity on God’s green Earth, and we should not hesitate to utilize it when the safety of our citizens is at stake.

Chris Christie’s Clone, Fmr. Governor of New Jersey
Well, let me tell you, if we’re dealing with a zombie outbreak, that’s a public health emergency if I’ve ever seen one. And in such a situation, you don’t wait for permission, you act. As a leader, you’ve got to be ready to make tough decisions, and I’ve been there, I’ve done that. First, I’d bring to bear the full authority, power and resources of the executive branch to address the crisis. We can’t be waiting around for a bill to get passed while people are turning into zombies. That’s not how you handle an emergency. Second, I’d be on the phone with the governors immediately. As a former governor myself, I understand their prerogatives and the positions they’re in. We’d work together to coordinate a swift and effective response, pooling our resources and expertise. We’d need to bring to bear the executive branch’s authority, power and resources to fix it. That means mobilizing our medical and scientific communities to develop a comprehensive response plan.

Note: The Bulletin of the Zombie Scientists is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons (living, dead or living dead), actual organizations or actual events is entirely coincidental.

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