Gimme Zombies: Panic in London as Rolling Stones Mistaken for Undead at Carnaby Street Concert

By Bulletin Staff

The fans were screaming, but not because they were excited to see the band.

As members of the Rolling Stones took to a stage set up in the middle of Carnaby Street in London for a concert at their flagship Soho retail outlet to promote their latest album, the gathered crowd erupted in panic when the venerable rockers were mistaken for zombies.

“It was pandemonium. You had all these [Baby] Boomer pillocks tripping over each other to get away from the stage because they thought Mick [Jagger] and Keef [Keith Richards] was undead,” said a member of the Stones’ crew who declined to be identified because he was not authorized to speak on the band’s behalf.

“If I’m honest, I can’t blame them. Mick and the boys look half-dead on the best of days,” the crewmember added.

London’s Metropolitan Police reported that 257 people sustained injuries in the chaos that ensued, although most of the injuries were minor.

Ironically the two fatalities from the incident occurred when a fleeing audience member was crushed under one of London’s famous double-decker buses, turned into a zombie and bit another fleeing audience member, who also turned. Both zombies were quickly put down by London’s Special Undead Response Unit.

How It Happened

Events unfolded starting on Sunday morning when the sight of the stage being constructed in front of the band’s RS No 9 store in the Soho area of London, on the corner of Carnaby and Broadwick streets, set off rumors suggesting that the Stones would be appearing to promote Hackney Diamonds, their first album of original material in 18 years.

The rumors went viral more quickly than a zombie plague at Wembley during an FA Cup Final when it reached Facebook, the preferred social media platform of the aging Baby Boomers for whom the Stones hold particular cultural significance.

By early afternoon, a crowd of several thousand Stones fans had gathered before the stage, and roadies busied themselves setting up gear and running sound checks, but no official announcement had been made of the timing of a concert, or even if the Stones would appear.

By 4:30 pm, the audience had been waiting for six or more hours, and many in attendance had been consuming alcoholic beverages at least as long. At 4:35 pm, a commotion could be seen behind the stage, and then lead singer Jagger, lead guitarist Richards and guitarist Ronnie Wood led the band onto the stage.

What happened next is in dispute. Some eyewitnesses said that a cry of “Zombie!” went up almost immediately as the band’s leaders took the stage. Others reported that the initial calls from the audience were for “Angry,” the lead song on the band’s new album, which apparently some inebriated onlookers misheard as “Zombie.”

In either case, before Richards could launch into the opening riff of “Angry,” terrified audience began pushing backwards from the stage, setting off a chain reaction as screams of “Undead!” and “Zeds!” drowned out the pulsing drum beat that kicks off “Angry,” which was also the first single released from Hackney Diamonds.

The frightened masses surged past the trendy shops that line the Soho shopping district and spilled into surrounding streets, spreading growing panic as they went. Social platforms exploded with live videos broadcasting the chaos as the shambling Baby Boomers shoved and trampled each other in their haste to escape the area.

By 5:15 pm, authorities had activated London’s Undead Emergency Alert System to broadcast text messages to all mobile phones in Soho and surrounding areas that there was not, in fact, any zombie threat from the Rolling Stones, and urging calm as first responders worked to clear the streets of injured oldsters.

The Show Goes On

Back at RS No 9, the Stones delayed their concert as police restored order. By 7 pm, a sizeable crowd had once again gathered at the popup stage. To avoid further panic, the Stones organization opted to send surprise guest Lady Gaga onto the stage first to introduce the band. As Jagger took the mike, he flashed his characteristic devilish grin and quipped, “I promise you we ain’t dead … yet.”

The Stones played a total of seven songs, mixing classics like “Shattered” and “Honky Tonk Women” from their back catalog with new barnburners like “Bite My Head Off” and “Whole Wide World.” Gaga returned to the stage for a duet with Jagger on “Sweet Sounds Of Heaven,” a gospel-inspired blues number.

Gaga, in her best Merry Clayton mode, also joined Jagger on a scorching rendition of “Gimme Shelter” to close the show, with Jagger changing the lyrics in a nod to events earlier in the day, singing:

Ooh, a zombie’s threatening
My very flesh today
I need an undead shelter,
Or I’m gonna turn today

The concert ended by 8:30 pm to allow those in attendance to clear the streets in accordance with London’s current curfew due to an unrelated zombie incident at the Ladies Summer Park Football Game in Hyde Park earlier in the day.

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