Giant Pandas Return to China in Effort to Protect Species from “Zombie Panda Virus”

By Bulletin Staff

As the Smithsonian’s National Zoo in Washington, DC, bid farewell last week to the three giant pandas that had called the zoo home, the bears’ departure back to their homeland in China marked another step toward the end of 50 years of “panda diplomacy” between the two countries.

It also marked another step forward for a joint China-US-UK program to protect the bears from a “zombie panda virus” that has created an additional threat to the beloved yet beleaguered creatures’ survival as a species.

“Giant pandas are already at great risk from habitat loss, climate change and human predation. The panda zombie virus creates a new danger to the species’ population that we need to address urgently to ensure the survival of these adorable bears,” said Elaine Zho, a zombozoologist with the World Undead Wildlife Foundation (WUWF) who is leading the US team working on the joint program.

“Giant Murder Pandas”

Giant pandas have long been considered at risk of extinction, with even optimistic estimates of their total numbers in the wild today ranging only up to about 3,000. They can be found in mountain habitats in central China, with the largest population in Sichuan Province.

It was in neighboring Shaanxi Province, however, that Chinese researchers studying the local giant panda population first identified the panda zombie virus in 2016 after finding several of the bears slaughtered in a grisly fashion.

The researchers at first thought that poachers had killed and gutted the bears. But they soon discovered that the pandas were victims of one of their own after they followed a trail of bear limbs and entrails that led to a zombie panda, its muzzle and fur still thick with the blood of its fellow bears.

“Everyone thinks that pandas are so cute and cuddly when they’re sitting around chewing on leaves. But when they get infected with the panda zombie virus, they become giant murder pandas, attacking their fellow bears and tearing them to bits,” said Zho.

Zho noted that, while the giant panda’s diet consists almost exclusively of bamboo, the bear in fact is technically carnivorous and reverts quickly to meat-eating once they become panda undead. “It’s just like when human vegetarians get zombified and start feeding on the flesh of other humans. Zombie pandas go straight for panda brains, too,” she said.

Rage Zombie Panda Virus

The Shaanxi research team put down the zombie panda, but they collected tissue, blood and brain samples before they burned the carcass to prevent further spread of the virus. An analysis of the samples revealed that the panda had been infected by a mutation of the rage zombie virus most commonly found in the United Kingdom and the US.

“Panda populations are increasingly coming into contact with humans, so it’s inevitable that the bears would also come into contact with human zombies,” said Dr. Zhang Wei, who leads panda undead research at the Chengdu Institute of Zombies and Nature.

Zhang, who is Zho’s counterpart on the joint China-US-UK program, led the team that discovered the 2016 Shaanxi zombie panda. She believes that a human undead stumbled upon the normally placid bear and attacked before the panda could retreat up a tree.

“It’s unclear whether the virus had already mutated by the time that the human bit the panda, or whether the virus mutated after infecting its bear victim,” Zhang said. “What is clear, based on the decay that we saw in the zombie panda carcass, is that it had been infected for only about 72 hours at most before we found it – impressive considering the carnage that it was able to inflict upon its fellow bears.”

Zhang added that authorities were unable to find the human rage zombie that had infected the panda, nor any other human zombies in the immediate area for that matter. However, diplomatic sources who requested anonymity to speak of sensitive matters said that a group of UK tourists had been reported missing in the area where the zombie panda was found. The tourists have never been located.

Since the initial incident in 2016, four more zombie pandas have been reported in China, including two in Sichuan and one each in Shaanxi and Gansu provinces. In all, 13 panda deaths have been attributed to rage-zombie-infected bears.

Scientists believe that one reason for the low overall casualty number is that pandas are generally solitary and territorial – when a panda is zombified, it’s unlikely to find other pandas close by to attack. “It’s not like when a human in a mall gets bitten and the next thing you know there is a mall full of zombies,” Zhang said.

Pandas Recalled as a Precaution

Because the rage zombie virus is most prevalent in the UK and US, Chinese scientists turned to their British and American colleagues to form the joint program to study the zombie panda virus and determine how best to protect the vulnerable panda population from the virus. Ultimately it was decided that the pandas currently in UK and US zoos should be returned to China for their safety.

In addition to the Washington pandas, the bears resident in San Diego and Memphis zoos previously made the return trip to their home country, while UK-based pandas are due to return to China in December. Panda bears currently in Atlanta’s zoo will return in 2024. The returning pandas are being kept in a purpose-built facility intended to isolate them from potential infections.

“This is, above all, a precaution to protect the giant pandas from any risk of infection,” said June Carter, director of the UK team involved in the joint program. “We know that the rage zombie virus is most common in the UK, and secondarily in the US, so it makes sense to get the pandas as far away from potential sources of infection as possible.”

Carter emphasized that a widespread zombie virus outbreak among pandas would be a catastrophe for the species, but it would also be a great loss for humankind. “It would be a disaster for all of us if a rage zombie were to bite an innocent giant panda, and then we were to wake up a month later to find that all the pandas were zombies. Imagine the nightmares children would have.”

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