Tag: zombie
-
Administration Weighs Deploying Undead to “Purify Woke Cities”
The Trump administration is considering deploying undead from the nation’s Strategic Zombie Reserve to “purify woke cities” around the country, according to administration sources.
-
President Fires Zombie Statistics Bureau Chief After Reported Rise in Undead Numbers
President Donald J. Trump fired the head of the Bureau of Zombie Statistics today after the agency released a report Friday showing the ranks of the undead increasing significantly over the last quarter.
-
Zombies of Different Generations Drawn to Different “Places of Meaning,” Study Finds
Zombies of different generations are drawn to different places that held meaning to them in their living existence, according to a new study of postmortem pilgrimage sites.
-
“Z Visa” Program Would Let Wealthy Buy US Entry for Their Undead Relatives
Wealthy Americans will soon be able to purchase the right for their zombified family members to enter the United States on a so-called “Z visa,” the Trump administration announced this week, breaking with longstanding policy against undead immigration.
-
6 Weeks after “Liberation Day,” Tariffs Still Loom for “Zombia”
The Trump Administration is touting progress in securing trade deals in the wake of its on-again/off-again tariff war, but one country continues to be absent from the negotiating table. That country: “Zombia.”
-
Reviving Debunked Claims, DOGE Says Over 1 Million Undead Getting Social Security
Representatives of the Department of Government Efficiency are alleging that the government is paying out billions of dollars annually in Social Security payments to the undead, bringing long-debunked claims of “zombie freeloaders” back from the grave.
-
Trump’s Evisceration of Zombie Research “Puts Americans at Risk,” Experts Warn
The Trump administration has made sweeping cuts to funding for zombie science research, defunding dozens of studies and projects aimed at mitigating the undead threat, in a move that experts say heightens the danger that the living dead pose to living Americans.
-
Government Admits It Mistakenly Sent Healthy Woman to Undead Internment Center
The US Government admitted Friday that it had wrongly sent a healthy American woman to an undead internment camp after mistakenly identifying her as zombie-infected based on a common rash
-
Government Scrambles to Rehire Zombie Response Experts in DOGE Typo Fiasco
The Trump administration is scrambling to rehire zombie response experts it dismissed last week amid concerns that their firing could result in unchecked outbreaks of the undead, according to government sources.
Bulletin of the Zombie Scientists 