By Bulletin Staff
The US Government admitted in court on Friday that it had wrongly sent a healthy American woman to an undead internment camp after mistakenly identifying her as zombie-infected based on a rash that turned out to be a common medical condition.
The government’s shocking admission came in a court case filed by lawyers for the family of Ellen Sykes, who was taken into custody March 3 in Birmingham, Alabama, by federal agents who apparently mistook Ms. Sykes’ eczema as a sign of early zombie infection.
“Agents with US Internment and Neutralization (USIN) believed that Ms. Sykes represented a threat to the community when they observed that she had red, swollen patches of skin,” the Department of Justice said in a filing in the case.
“The agents applied standard protocol for containing an individual infected with the zombie virus and renditioned her to the appropriate facility for the undead,” the DOJ stated.
However, in a hearing Friday before US District Judge Ryan Holdt, DOJ lawyer Felix LeChat admitted that, based on affidavits filed by Sykes’ doctors affirming that her symptoms were due to eczema, the USIN agents had made what LeChat called “an unfortunate mistake.”
In response a question from Judge Holdt regarding whether due process was followed prior to Ms. Sykes internment, LeChat responded that details of the rendition process were classified and that the government would be unable to provide additional information “for reasons of national security.”
DOJ sources, who requested anonymity due to fears of retribution, told The Bulletin that they believe Ms. Sykes has been placed in an internment camp in Louisiana. The suit from Sykes’ family seeks her immediate release from internment and return to Birmingham.
After the hearing on Friday, Judge Holdt ordered the government to separate Ms. Sykes from the general undead population “and take all necessary steps to ensure her health, safety and non-zombification” while he prepares a ruling on Ms. Sykes’ release from internment.
The Department of Justice later put out a statement saying that it would appeal the judge’s order. Speaking with reporters, DOJ spokesperson Fanny Packer decried what she called “an outrageous, illegal order from an unelected Marxist extremist judge who puts the rights of the undead ahead of the rights of living Americans.”
Judge Holdt has served on the bench for seven years since his appointment by President Trump during his first term in office. He is widely viewed as a conservative.
Packer subsequently tweeted on X, “In any case, it’s probably too late, because even if this so-called ‘healthy American’ wasn’t a zombie before she was interned, she’s probably been bitten and turned by now anyway. So, oopsie. [shrug emoji]”
President Trump chimed in over the weekend on his Truth Social platform with a post that criticized the judge. “THIS SO-CALLED JUDGE DIDN’T WIN ANYTHING! I WON FOR MANY REASONS, IN AN OVERWHELMING MANDATE, BUT FIGHTING ZOMBIES MAY HAVE BEEN THE NUMBER ONE REASON FOR THIS HISTORIC VICTORY,” the president wrote. “I’m just doing what the VOTERS wanted me to do. This judge, like many of the Crooked Judges’ I am forced to appear before, should be IMPEACHED!!!”
The revelations in Ms. Sykes’ case come amid a flurry of reports of USIN agents sweeping up Americans with a variety of common skin conditions and placing these otherwise healthy citizens in internment camps for the living dead.
- In Gilbert, Arizona, a father of six with psoriasis was taken into custody on suspicion of being a zombie.
- A Bangor, Maine, retiree with dermatitis was arrested in a coffee shop after another patron complained that the woman was excessively scratching.
- USIN agents in Ames, Iowa, “disappeared” a town resident who, according to his dermatologist, was suffering from “a nasty case of hives.”
Lawyers for the families of these individuals and others have filed a separate suit in federal court requesting a nationwide injunction that would prevent the government from interning Americans in zombie camps without a court hearing.
The suit points to media reporting that government agents are targeting individuals based on a set of “signs of undead affiliation,” including:
- Subject displays patches of bumps, blisters or scaly skin
- Subject displays signs of itchiness, redness or skin discoloration
- Social media posts by the subject include signs of above symptoms
- Subject observed itching or scratching extremities or private parts
Undead experts contacted by The Bulletin observed that these criteria are, at best, unreliable indicators of zombification.
On her blog, noted zombie researcher Jesse Valentino wrote, “I can’t believe I have to say this, but ‘people who scratch their privates’ describes approximately 100% of the human population. WTF are these people snorting?!?”
President Trump addressed the suit in comments to reporters as he departed the White House for a long weekend at his Florida resort. “These are undead, many many undead, murdering zombies, flesh eaters at the highest level, cannibal lords. That’s an invasion,” Trump said, referring to the internees.
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